September is HERE! That means Virgo season is settling in and that’s a great thing! Everyone embrace your inner Virgo — be rational and logical about all of your decisions and mind your own damn business… just kidding. But not really because that’s actually pretty sound advice, I think. And along with this change in the zodiac, fall is also around the corner! You can finally start wearing pants and long sleeves consistently without having to debate with yourself about what to wear when it’s sweltering and thunder storming at the same time. That was an August problem. September, on the other hand, seemingly has virtually no problems: pumpkin spice everything, knit sweaters, and the Halloween stuff is already out. To be quite honest, there are very few things better than fall so take advantage of all of this AND read your horoscope.
Invest in music. You can interpret what that means, I don’t know, man. Go out and buy a ukelele, take drumming lessons, buy some tapes, and/or go record hunting. Buy a song on iTunes if you must. Listen to stuff with cool synths or percussion this month. Toro Y Moi and FKA Twigs or Badbadnotgood and something of this sort on the 18th. Eat a tangerine. Buy new art supplies. Making a generalization when I say all the Aries people I know are good at art, so keep creating! If you were waiting for a nudge or a reminder, this is it.
Did you know the Buddha wasn’t a vegetarian and actually encouraged meat consumption? Wild, right? I know. Do the opposite though; try to consume healthier foods that aren’t meat. Also, try to consume more candy. Find a new hobby. Go outside more. Buy things to decorate your room with at the beginning of the month and roll around in the grass at dawn on the 5th. Listen to Earl Sweatshirt.
Stretch stuff this month. Stretch budgets if you really have to, stretch your legs in the morning, stretch elastic bands over things, etc. Drink lots and lots of water and buy a cool outfit. You deserve it. Gemini’s been getting so much hate lately; the internet has turned you into a meme. You guys are such great people to talk to though, so honestly good for you. Pat yourself on the back. Listen to Beach Fossils, Beach House, Beach Boys, and then go to the beach at the beginning of the month. Do this with a smile and a Libra.
Give yourself a makeover. Doesn’t have to be big; dye your hair or purchase an entirely new wardrobe. Doesn’t matter, just make yourself look cute and different sometime around the beginning of the month. Go to the nearest fair/amusement park and ride some rides. Eat a popsicle on the hottest day of this month.
On the next full moon, eat a whole pizza by yourself. Play video games with a Pisces and listen to a lot of a Tribe Called Quest. Watch Rick and Morty or Bojack Horseman or Bob’s Burgers; find a funny cartoon and just marathon it I guess. Being a Leo, you’re probably hella generous with money, but you gotta save this month! Get a piggy bank or something on the 23rd. If you decide you’re not capable of doing any of this, set something on fire in public.
Make a smoothie on the 9th. Try your best to stay away from bees. Change your profile picture. Think about the last time you heard someone say ‘YOLO’ unironically and revel in how strange 2011 was. Also, think about the fact that this trend happened almost 5 years ago. It’s okay to feel old. Speaking of 2011, think about how much you’ve changed since then and high five yourself for not being a pleb in a snapback anymore. Be proud of the fact that you’re still maybe a little bit of a pleb on the inside, but ultimately pretty cool with or without the snapback.
Drink more white tea. Find some zen and some chill and take it down a notch this month. Keep listening to music that gives you good vibes, it’s one of the things you’re good at. Read some Eckhart Tolle or some Shel Silverstein on a rainy day. Get rid of any and all passive aggression you have right now. Just let all of that go. Breathe in, breathe out, or whatever. Burn incense and cop some jewelry. If you feel underwhelmed right now, you mostly know how to fix that. Have some patience.
Do everything. Do all of the stuff. Take September by its horns and just go for literally everything, man. The most important thing you need to know this month is to “dalé” as Pitbull would say (being totally honest I don’t know what dalé means, but it feels right).
Update: Dalé is Cuban slang for ‘go ahead’ so yeah, do that.
Go read the lyrics to your favourite song that is relevant to your feelings right now and use that as a tool to guide you through this month. That’s it.
Buy some cool jeans around the middle of the month. Bake/buy a pie and share it with a Virgo. Re-watch a movie that reminds you of early high school (don’t pick School of Rock). If you hated high school, pick one that reminds you of your best friend from that time. Eat a cantaloupe on the 5th.
Internalize the delusions of reality and then eat some chips on the 17th. Get a tarot card reading done. Go outside and yell at the sky on the 2nd. Listen to Amy Winehouse, Kurt Cobain, Janis Joplin, and other members of the 27 Club. Share ice cream with a Leo and talk about to each other about your first kiss towards the middle of the month.
Listen to Aaliyah. Listen to a lot of music actually, not just Aaliyah. Yeah, do what I told Aries to do and invest in music somehow too. Doesn’t have to be big, just cool and right for you at the moment. Handwrite someone a letter. If you get a papercut, that sucks. Too bad, so sad. Watch HBO documentaries and/or find an outdoor screening of a classic and watch the hell out of that. Also, indulge less; preserve more. You’re gonna need to keep this in mind around the middle of the month.